When I love something or someone I find myself giving them everything. I love in my opinion genuinely and deeply. To me showing someone I care is as natural as taking a breath or blinking. The smallest acts of kindness can sometimes be the biggest acts of all. It should be simple, I’m not saying it’s easy, lord knows it can be the hardest thing you’ll ever to, it’s certainly the most vulnerable. I can’t stand seeing someone I love getting less then what they deserve but at the moment what I can’t stand the most is not being able to tell them that’s how I feel. I hope that actions are speaking a million times louder then words. I’ve said and strongly believe that everyone needs that one person to whom the can turn to when things go wrong, when they go right and when you just need someone. The self doubt, the stresses, the pain the whatever your feeling just floats aimlessly away and instead you are left feeling fullness from the content that replaces it. I catch myself smiling in those moments when I realise that’s what I’m experience. I’ve realised so much and yet I’ve come no further. I’ve said so much (which for me isn’t hard) but I’ve still said nothing. I guess that’s the beauty of it. Love. One word, four letters one syllable, and yet it’s the one word that can change and question everything that is reason. Without it where would we be? Who would we be? What would be the point?
“So, do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More Compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out and decide”—
“The one thing I didn’t like was being terribly shy. An incredibly shy person. And so I overcompensated. I thought that if I gave myself an alarming kind of reputation then I would have to learn to defend myself and therefore come out of myself”—David Bowie (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that maybe I give too much of myself to the wrong people and then as a result never enough to those that truly matter. The problem is that I can never see the threshold until it’s over. I hope that one day I gather up the courage to show enough of myself to the right people, because at the end of the day those are the only ones who truly matter. I hope that one day soon I can show you that there is more of me to give. And I’ll know at that exact moment that you were worth every minute of it, my one moment to finally let you know that it has been a privilege to let you in. Time can only tell, can only tell as to how much you mean to me. You are amazing and I wish you could believe in it as much as I do.
It's moments like these that I realise I am so lonely, not alone as I surround myself with beautiful people to avoid it. It's also these moments that I realise after all this time, I really fucking miss you.